can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
