conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
