I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
