I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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