If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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