well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
