I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
