Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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