He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
