You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
