I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
