You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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