She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
