WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
even my farts smell like vagina
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
