Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
