Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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