So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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