OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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