i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
