he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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