I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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