I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
