honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
