Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
