So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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