mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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