he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
