I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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