Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
