I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
