i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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