She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
