singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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