Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
