hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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