A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
