the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
