We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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