we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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