tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
