she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
