At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
