I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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