Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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