i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
