I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
