i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The best revenge is premature balding
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
