Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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