GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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