She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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