Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
